I've inherited the family curse!

It's official people. I've inherited the family curse. At least one of them. :) My father has a really really bad habit of getting speeding tickets, wrecking cars and occasionally taking out a parked car or a mailbox. My brother also has the family police curse with tickets, various driving offenses (I won't completely rat him out here, but he's reformed these days :) ) and a love affair with fast cars. I thought I had gotten rid of my police curse about seven years ago.

I WAS WRONG!!!! Since May 1, I've had some god awful luck with police and general mayhem with cars. Here's the rundown.
May 1 - the Starbucks barista attempted suicide using my windshield. He was unsuccessful. I was grilled by no less than four cops before they decided it wasn't my fault that he decide to FACEPLANT on my windshield. I'm out my deductible and 5K worth of damage. There's go the clean driving record I was getting back.

June 1 - driving a PT Cruiser I get a speeding ticket on I 95 for 80 in a 65. Like everyone on the planet wasn't speeding, but I get pulled in a PT Cruiser rental car. Explain to me how you can get pulled over in a POS PT Cruiser on a Friday afternoon. Kiss my drivin record totally good buy now.

July 1 -Abusive driver fees go into effect. I put a lawyer on retainer cuz I know me or my other half are going to need one. Ok I didn't actually put one on retainer, but I found the lawyer he used and made sure to keep the lawyers card and the driving school card so we'd have them if we need them.

Sept 24 - Get pulled over again on I 95 southbound this time. And it's a sheriffs deputy who's been following me for 15 MILES!!!!! I'm screwed. But I get a break, I get a written warning and why do I get a written warning you ask. Because I can turn on the dumb southern blond at the drop of a hat. And it worked this time.

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Officer (bats eyelashes) I have absolutely no idea. Did I do something wrong?
Office: blah, blah blah, speeding, blah lane change, blah, blah, blah inspection
Me: I'm so so sorry I had no idea I wasn't using my signal. I could have sworn I did. And I do have my inspection sticker. I just had this little accident earlier this summer and someone hit the windshield and I had to get a new one (see may 1)
Officer: Let me go run some things and I'll be back
Me: praying as he goes back to the F'ing Dodge Charger!!!!
Officer: I need to warn you about a couple of things. Doing over 80 on the Interstate is an automatic reckless driving ticket (see July 1 for fees)
Me: Oh my god!
Officer: Switching lanes with no signal could be constituted as aggressive driving
Me: Oh my god!
Officer: Your fine having the inspection sticker in the car, but you should probably have the station replace your sticker.
Me: I certainly will sir.
Officer: Here's your written warning, slow down and have a nice day.
Me: I will, thank you! (gushing voice)

So, blond and dumb wins again! Woohoo! The moral of this story is don't speed in Stafford County and if you get pulled over, pray its a local yokel and not a state guy. And lil bro, if you read this, take your damn cop luck back. I'm tired of it! :)

What Does Business Casual Mean?

For those of you who know me, you know I work for a conservative law firm type of consulting company. Three piece suits, rich old white guys running the place, everyone here has a certain look. I got the evil eye for going into my office on a Friday in jeans to pick up some paperwork. Nevermind I was OFF that day and not working, but anywhoo. I'm working at a commercial client site whose philosophy on business casual is shorts!!! Granted we won't get that comfy at the client site, but there is no need to wear a tie, and god forbid one of our team walk in wearing a suit. We'd think they were sick.

So this week we get a new group of guys some out of NY, a couple out of DC and we tell them Client X is VERY BUSINESS CASUAL. Fast forward to the teams landing onsite this week. You could totally tell at lunch who has been onsite for a while and who hasn't. The suits (new team) were at one end and the biz casual (my team) were at the other end of the lunch table. It's quite amusing to me, but underscores a very complex problem for those of us in a business environment.

WTH does business casual really mean? Suit and no tie, khakis and a polo, slacks and a button down sans jacket for men???? Pantyhose or no pantyhose for women, how short can the skirt be, do khakis work for us as well as for the men??? The sights at my current client site are scary...the run the gamut from $1000 suits to raggedy cargo shorts and ripped t shirts.

So where do you fall on the busienss casual spectrum. I'm a dress pants and shirt girl with a kicking pair of shoes. Shoes cover a multitude of evils if you wear them correctly. :)

My First 5K

Running update. I suck at running...not to mention I'm truly awful on the whole follow thru thing. So for grins and giggles, I decide to make sure I can actually make it thru a 5K seeing as how I'm not sure I can remember the last time I walked 3.2 miles for any reason.

Sooo...Wednesday AM I head to the gym and walk 3.2 miles on the treadmill. In 50 minutes. I'm thinking no problem. I can do a little better than that on Saturday and hopefully not make a complete idiot of myself at the race. Fast forward to Saturday AM at the race. First off there's a ton of people around to see me humiliate myself...joy. Second I know I'm going to get totally smoked by the kids there because we have two cross country teams and a softball team running. More joy. At least I got to see some pretty dogs before the race.

8 am and we're off. I run for about 90 seconds max and decide I feel like I'm dying and slow to a walk. No biggie...I knew I was going to walk. Five minutes later my shins are screaming and I've been passed by god knows how many people and their dogs. First off the race was on one road that the Cobb County Sheriffs department closed for FORTY FIVE minutes (see note about 50 minutes to walk 3.2 miles). So you walk half of the race and then turn around and walk back for the other half. And the posting of the race said it was FLAT. They lied!!!! It was hilly and I'm not ready for hills. LOL

I'm almost at the one mile mark and woosh there goes the first guy to pass me COMING THE OTHER WAY. Which means he's almost to the finish line and I'm not even one mile in. Ok..I can do this. Just not as fast as that guy. Or the next one or the next 100 people. LOL...but I finished. In 54:36 and I wasn't LAST!!!! WOOHOO!!! So I at least attained my goals for my first race. BTW...last place was a woman who gave birth 4 1/2 weeks ago. But I wasn't last. :) And we raised enough money for 20 surgeries for The Smile Train.

Bad part is I'm probably going to do another one. What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?! But first I have to get my time down to below 45 minutes so they don't open the road back up on me and I get run over. :)

The Rest of the Weekend

Sunday rolls around and we decide to be slugs. I'm not sure we did anything that day. Until it was time to meet her parents and aunt and uncle for dinner at...drum roll please...The Dodging Duck. Where I know the beer is GOOD! Off we go, driving down I 10 and the mini tank starts acting a little funny. Because, as far as we know at this point, the rear passenger rim is bent all to hell and back. Which in my infinite wisdom decide to play stupid about and go "I don't know what happened to the tire". Swiss Miss isn't going along yet, but this is pre beer. I'll keep working on her.

Dinner was strained, I stepped in at LEAST two different piles of family shit b/c I didn't see it and the warning kick from chica was WAY late in comng. Oh well, I have beer and stuffed mushrooms, I'm happy. :) Time to leave, I'm driving and we decide to have a smoky treat before we leave. Standing around the passenger side of the mini tank and HOLY SHIT did she screw up that truck. Front rim has scrapes, entire passenger side doors have holes and scrapes and the rear tire rim looks WAY worse during the day. No way we can do the dumb blonde routine on this one. AND the stupid traction control lights are coming on as I drive home. This is going to require another insurance claim and a rental mini tank return. Woosh...there goes another $500.

Suffice it to say, we decide to stay home and drink from the kegerator (while its still in her possession) on Monday. No biggie. And the hits keep on coming on Monday. Wake up, drink coffee, go potty, and the water softener blows up. ITS LABOR DAY!!! That's going to cost big bucks!!! Meanwhile realtors are calling and want to show the house. Ok...come on in, ignore the plumbers that cost a ton and excuse the fact that we have pitchers of beer and haven't showered yet today. Stay up wind...it doesn't smell as bad that way. :)

Plumbers = $550
Lease water softenener = $300
Insurance Claim = $500

Total is now up to roughly $2300. I got off cheap with my ticket and my first class upgrade. So aside from the monetary outlays, it was a great weekend. Beer, conversations, movies, good food, a little housework, a little talking someone off the ledge a couple of times and one hell of hangover on Tuesday. Yep, all in all a good weekend for me. :)

Saturday of Labor Day weekend

I'm a slacker blogger. I was off to a great start and fell by the wayside after a couple of posts. Mea culpa, but then again that's my MO. :)


Labor Day Weekend was great fun...at least for me. For SAT chica, aka Swiss miss, it was one expensive and painful weekend. Quick update for those that don't know...Swiss miss is currently in the midst of a divorce with all the fun that entails, like unloading a house, a husband and excess baggage. Anywho...weekend update.

I arrive in SAT around 10:30 local time and for those of you who have never flown from DC to SAT that means I left DC at 6 FREAKING AM!!!! Again, not one of my brighter moments, but i was all about the cost benefit. Maximum time in San Antonio at minimum price. :)

Swiss Miss picks me up and she's driving a mini tank (aka Chrysler Aspen) cuz smart girl smashed up her Benz the previous weekend. We'll forgive her, because she's not used to having to look for other cars in the driveway anymore. :) Back to story...she's in pain! Back issues which is another story entirely, but moving on. She decides she needs drugs right freaking now! So where do we go, for an anti inflammatory and pain killers....Mom and Dad of course! Get drugs, go to the local Doc in the Box where we wait for two hours. She needs help standing up and I get a great sandwich recipe off the Food Network. Girlfriend comes out with three prescriptions and decides that she's fine and don't need no stinking cortisone shot. Whatever!!! I drag her ass back in tell the doc to shoot her up. I'm thinking we have lots of drinking and talking to do which means she needs to be semi functional. Total around $300 for doc and prescriptions. Keep a tab guys, this is just the beginning.

Off to the Dodging Duck for beer food and BEER!!! I've been waiting all day to partake in a tasty beverage. Conversation ensued, beer was drunk (to the tune of about 80 bucks) pretzel and hot wing bites were eaten. Oh yeah, the recruiter who enticed me to my current company was sitting at the table next to us and we finally figured out how we knew each other. WEIRD! I knew she moved to SAT, but that was just strange to see her there. Thank god I wasn't totally inebriated yet. :)

Moving on to Saturday night. Swiss Miss and I decide to get dressed up like the smoking hot 30 somethings we are (LMAO) and head over to this local cuban bar for drinks and live music. After ordering a round, she realizes she forgot her camera and heads back to the homestead to pick it up. Meanwhile I'm hovering around a couple of chairs, because this place is packed. I manage to snake two chairs and am protecting them with my life from the squatters all around until she makes her way back to the bar. Forever later, she shows back up and informs me that she took out the brick retaining wall in front of her house b/c she's driving the f'ing mini tank. That's at least $500 to fix the wall. (Total is now hovering around $900). Two or three rounds later we decide to head home before the bar closes and it becomes completely nuts trying to get out of the parking lot. Fall into bed and sleep like the dead until 7 AM. :)

I'll get to the rest of the expensive weekend tomorrow. I actually have to work now. Dammit!!!