Christmas with the "Clucks"

Christmas rocked this year. It was great to go home, I got to see all the family and spend time with my Dad since he had his knee replacement. Mom kept the clucking to a minimum this year. She actually got all the groceries prior to me arriving, the sheets washed and the Christams tree was decorated before I got home.
Ok...enough of the sappy emotional stuff. I got LOOT this year. Dad went all out and I love my watch. He did good and Terri can live to see another day since she helped him pick it out. Thanks Terri!!!! I knew you'd come through for me.

This was our Christmas tree and I swear every year we say we aren't going overboard and this is what the tree looks like each year. And its just us! Eight adults and no little children.

And my brother and his girlfriend did absolutely awesome getting me my present as well. Check this neat little item out. Perfect for those of us who travel all the time. :) It's a travel pillow that folds out and becomes a feather cover for the hotel pillow. This is too cool and I'm totally loving it. I got other stuff as well. Mom has been buying this crystal for me and I can't remember the pattern name, but every time she goes antiquing and finds another piece she buys it for me. Of course I have no where to put it because I live in a 700 sq ft condo with my other half and my cat. There is no room at the inn. Tee hee, a little Christmas humor for everyone.

All in all, Christmas with the Clucks was a roaring success and I'm sorry its over now and I'm back home. But then again after four days with my family I'm ready for a break. Hope everyone had a happy holiday and here's to a great New Year's!

Calling all elves

I get woken up on Saturday morning before Christams with a phone call from my father singing "Calling all elves, calling all elves, Santa is calling all elves".
Me: "Dad this elf isn't driving home until tomorrow."
Dad: "Oh...Ok. I guess I'm getting a DVD player for Christmas."
Me: still waking up pre coffee "Huh?!? What are you talking about?" (and yes he was getting a DVD player for Christmas b/c his POS is dying)
Dad: "UPS delivered a DVD player from Circuit City guess that's mine."
Me: cursing the stupidity of Circuit City NOT placing the DVD box in another box before shipping "Dad, I'll be home tomorrow, go take a pain pill and put Mom on the phone".

Mom, keep him out of the closet and go count boxes so I know if I'm missing any. There should be at least 9 but 2 may be showing up Christmas eve. Call me back if any are missing. I'm going to go run all the errands I need to before packing up tonight and leaving tomorrow.

I proceed to hang up with my family and go run the nine thousand errands that haven't been taken care of because I've been in NY for the last month. This includes getting my hair done, picking up and dropping off dry cleaning, buying duplicates of all my toiletries so I can leave a set in NY so I can whiz through airport screening every week, buying last minute Christmas presents and organizing everything so I can fit it in my car before heading back to South Carolina for Christmas.

I love the f'ing holidays.

This is your brain on drugs (part deux)

I love my father. I really really do, but sometimes I wonder what planet he is on.

So Christmas is quickly approaching and for once, my family actually put lists together of things they might want for Christmas. Mind you, no one on the Christmas list is under 25 so the requests tend to get a little larger as we get older. My BIG wish gift was a new watch. I put some other items on the list that were way less expensive as well b/c I wanted everyone to have options and not feel obligated to spend lots of $$$ on presents.

Ok...now that we've set the stage (and keeping in mind my father is on drugs right now) this is what I've found out about Christmas so far this year.
Mom - used Yukon Denali ~ 25K
Bro - new rifle ~ no clue but it can't be cheap
Me - new watch ~ according to Terri they are spending some cash

So my mother and I are convinced that when the painkillers wear off he's going to look in the garage and say Where the F*$K did that Yukon come from and why is it in our garage?. And once he's done freaking out about that he's going to wonder where the hell all the $$$ in the bank account went.

Mom and I have agreed we aren't giving our presents back. She's been trying to reign in the spending and getting nowhere. Because Dad "Can do what he wants"

No way, no how am I giving that watch back.

Unless its ugly. At which point I'll blame Terri b/c he enlisted her help in picking it out.

This is your brain on drugs

Some of you have actually had the pleasure of meeting my father. He's a big teddy bear whose bark is MUCH worse than his bite. Except for that occasional shot gun farting thing he does...which is absolutely deadly. He's usually laughing his ass off as he does it too...but I digress.

Daddy had his right knee replaced a couple of weeks ago...and let the hilarity ensue. First off my father has legs like tree trunks with ZERO fat on them (yea, I hate him), he's needed a knee replacement for YEARS!!!! and he's a big guy. As in a 20 inch neck big guy. The doc doing his surgery took twice as long to do the surgery because (drumroll please) he has lots of muscle, the knee was in much worse shape than originally thought and dad's ligaments wouldn't reattach correctly because he's such a big guy. DUH!!!! Did you actually LOOK at my father before you cut his knee open?!?!?!?

So my mother proceeds to do her clucking thing she does so well while Dad's in surgery and finally recovers once he comes home. She decided to take off the first two weeks because Dad can't be on his own or drive or do any of that stuff that requires full mobility and use of the right knee. Now my parents have been married for almost 37 years, most of them pretty happily.

I think this surgery almost broke them. I was talking to my mom over the weekend finalizing the Christmas presents I was buying b/c she hasn't yet (we won't even discuss the damage I did to my Hilton CC, but at least I got hotel points for them) and she starts talking about Dad being stupid. He regressed into a four year old. Evidence:

1. He wants a puppy for Christmas and told my mom he could get one if he wanted to when she pointed out that puppies are a lot of work and we currently have two cats
   
2. He said he was going to drive to the grocery store and when my mom said he wasn't allowed to yet, he said he could if he wanted to and that his dad drove one week after knee replacement surgery Mom: Just because your father was an idiot doesn't mean you need to be one too
   
3. I talked to him while I was at Target on Sat and he said something about going to Lowe's. When I asked him if he was driving, he said he wasn't, but he could if he wanted to.
   

WTF?!?! When did my father go from being 58 to 4?!?!? If I get a picture of him sitting on Santa's knee I'm running away from home.

Construction site fun!!!

So after complaining about traveling in my last blog, I thought I'd show you some of the fun I get to have in my job. The JFK airport is building a new terminal the first designed and built since 9/11. Which is a big deal for the Port Authority of NY/NJ. Anyway, construction is getting complete and will be done in time to open in the fall of 2008 and I got to get a tour. The really cool part was seeing all the stuff that goes on "under the wing" while the passengers are herded to their destinations. I also got a bird's eye view of takeoffs and landings which was COOL!!!!! Here's the pic of us in one of the ground operations towers at JFK.



For those of you who don't know Terminal 5 used to be the TWA terminal at JFK and since they are defunct now no one was using the old terminal. Partially because the original terminal building is a historic site now and cannot be changed. It was really cool to see b/c the terminal is very new agey for when it was built and somewhat of a historic building for airlines. I know I'm geeking out about this, but since I'm currently doing work for an airline I get to see all the underbelly of how an airline really runs.

Anyway see pics of the old TWA building (built by Eero Saarinen) who also built a bunch of other stuff including Dulles, (my absolute favorite airport NOT!!!) and read some historical stuff about the building if you so desire. BTW...they can't remove the TWA sign as its part of the historically significant building.





Anyway, that concludes my foray into TWA terminal land. I hope you enjoyed the ride. Next time you want to take a trip into the wonderfully weird world of my brain, I hope you think of Strangeland air. Thanks for flying! Have a nice day!

Woohoo blog #1 in my new world

So in my last post I promised to blog at least twice a month. So here's the first one for the month of Decemeber. :)

So far I've been in NYC (Queens/Forest Hills) for two weeks and I've worked hellacious hours. I knew I'd be working a lot and I was all for that plus traveling which I like. The part I don't like is flight delays. And being winter, I'm almost guaranteed to be delayed on a regular basis. I wish there was some way to just teleport from place to place. :) I so wish Star Trek was real.

Anyway, life is good. I'm sooo ready for Christmas and some time off to spend with my family. And speaking of my family, I've come to the conclusion that my father has lost his ever loving mind. He had knee replacement surgery the Monday after Thanksgiving and has since decided to blow things out this Christmas. My Mother got a freaking Yukon Denali fully loaded. She's afraid when my father comes off the pain killers he's going to look in the garage and wonder where the hell that vehicle came from. She's told me she's not returning it no matter what. :)

Anyway, life is still crazy and will continue to be that way for quite some time. I'll blog more later, but now I have to pack for my most likely delayed flight tomorrow morning.

I suck!

I realized this weekend while I was at my parents for Thanksgiving that I haven't blogged in almost two months. WTF?!?!?! That means one of two things...I either have an extremely boring life or I suck.

Now after looking back over the last two months of my life, I've decided it's not boring. It's chaotic as hell. Between traveling, not traveling, trying to have a social life with friends, getting the car fixed, trips to DC with the girls, shopping adventures with Terri, and trying to occasionally get in some quality time with my boyfriend...my life is complicated. Ergo...I suck! I'm okay with sucking, but I have to attempt to do better at this blogging thing. If for no other reason than to entertain myself.

Here's my new promise..I do solemnly swear to blog at least twice a month! There you go, I've made a promise, sworn on it and now I have to keep it. We'll see how long this lasts.

On to more interesting topics. I'm going to NY for work for four months! Woohoo...I'm doing the happy dance. This is step one in the process of eventually living in the Big Apple and being better than Sex in the City. :) Now for the bad news...I'm going to be in Queens and I have to come home every weekend because they won't pay for my hotel on the weekends. :( But I'm one train stop out of Manhattan so that's great.



I'm only only two weeks away from my final transfer conversation with they guy who should be my new boss. And hopefully this means a FAT pay raise which I desperately need. For so many reasons I'm not going into right now, but suffice it to say my financial life needs an overhaul. :)

Back to work or at least pretending to work until tomorrow night when I leave for Jamaica.


Jamaica, NY that is. :)

I've inherited the family curse!

It's official people. I've inherited the family curse. At least one of them. :) My father has a really really bad habit of getting speeding tickets, wrecking cars and occasionally taking out a parked car or a mailbox. My brother also has the family police curse with tickets, various driving offenses (I won't completely rat him out here, but he's reformed these days :) ) and a love affair with fast cars. I thought I had gotten rid of my police curse about seven years ago.

I WAS WRONG!!!! Since May 1, I've had some god awful luck with police and general mayhem with cars. Here's the rundown.
May 1 - the Starbucks barista attempted suicide using my windshield. He was unsuccessful. I was grilled by no less than four cops before they decided it wasn't my fault that he decide to FACEPLANT on my windshield. I'm out my deductible and 5K worth of damage. There's go the clean driving record I was getting back.

June 1 - driving a PT Cruiser I get a speeding ticket on I 95 for 80 in a 65. Like everyone on the planet wasn't speeding, but I get pulled in a PT Cruiser rental car. Explain to me how you can get pulled over in a POS PT Cruiser on a Friday afternoon. Kiss my drivin record totally good buy now.

July 1 -Abusive driver fees go into effect. I put a lawyer on retainer cuz I know me or my other half are going to need one. Ok I didn't actually put one on retainer, but I found the lawyer he used and made sure to keep the lawyers card and the driving school card so we'd have them if we need them.

Sept 24 - Get pulled over again on I 95 southbound this time. And it's a sheriffs deputy who's been following me for 15 MILES!!!!! I'm screwed. But I get a break, I get a written warning and why do I get a written warning you ask. Because I can turn on the dumb southern blond at the drop of a hat. And it worked this time.

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Officer (bats eyelashes) I have absolutely no idea. Did I do something wrong?
Office: blah, blah blah, speeding, blah lane change, blah, blah, blah inspection
Me: I'm so so sorry I had no idea I wasn't using my signal. I could have sworn I did. And I do have my inspection sticker. I just had this little accident earlier this summer and someone hit the windshield and I had to get a new one (see may 1)
Officer: Let me go run some things and I'll be back
Me: praying as he goes back to the F'ing Dodge Charger!!!!
Officer: I need to warn you about a couple of things. Doing over 80 on the Interstate is an automatic reckless driving ticket (see July 1 for fees)
Me: Oh my god!
Officer: Switching lanes with no signal could be constituted as aggressive driving
Me: Oh my god!
Officer: Your fine having the inspection sticker in the car, but you should probably have the station replace your sticker.
Me: I certainly will sir.
Officer: Here's your written warning, slow down and have a nice day.
Me: I will, thank you! (gushing voice)

So, blond and dumb wins again! Woohoo! The moral of this story is don't speed in Stafford County and if you get pulled over, pray its a local yokel and not a state guy. And lil bro, if you read this, take your damn cop luck back. I'm tired of it! :)

What Does Business Casual Mean?

For those of you who know me, you know I work for a conservative law firm type of consulting company. Three piece suits, rich old white guys running the place, everyone here has a certain look. I got the evil eye for going into my office on a Friday in jeans to pick up some paperwork. Nevermind I was OFF that day and not working, but anywhoo. I'm working at a commercial client site whose philosophy on business casual is shorts!!! Granted we won't get that comfy at the client site, but there is no need to wear a tie, and god forbid one of our team walk in wearing a suit. We'd think they were sick.

So this week we get a new group of guys some out of NY, a couple out of DC and we tell them Client X is VERY BUSINESS CASUAL. Fast forward to the teams landing onsite this week. You could totally tell at lunch who has been onsite for a while and who hasn't. The suits (new team) were at one end and the biz casual (my team) were at the other end of the lunch table. It's quite amusing to me, but underscores a very complex problem for those of us in a business environment.

WTH does business casual really mean? Suit and no tie, khakis and a polo, slacks and a button down sans jacket for men???? Pantyhose or no pantyhose for women, how short can the skirt be, do khakis work for us as well as for the men??? The sights at my current client site are scary...the run the gamut from $1000 suits to raggedy cargo shorts and ripped t shirts.

So where do you fall on the busienss casual spectrum. I'm a dress pants and shirt girl with a kicking pair of shoes. Shoes cover a multitude of evils if you wear them correctly. :)

My First 5K

Running update. I suck at running...not to mention I'm truly awful on the whole follow thru thing. So for grins and giggles, I decide to make sure I can actually make it thru a 5K seeing as how I'm not sure I can remember the last time I walked 3.2 miles for any reason.

Sooo...Wednesday AM I head to the gym and walk 3.2 miles on the treadmill. In 50 minutes. I'm thinking no problem. I can do a little better than that on Saturday and hopefully not make a complete idiot of myself at the race. Fast forward to Saturday AM at the race. First off there's a ton of people around to see me humiliate myself...joy. Second I know I'm going to get totally smoked by the kids there because we have two cross country teams and a softball team running. More joy. At least I got to see some pretty dogs before the race.

8 am and we're off. I run for about 90 seconds max and decide I feel like I'm dying and slow to a walk. No biggie...I knew I was going to walk. Five minutes later my shins are screaming and I've been passed by god knows how many people and their dogs. First off the race was on one road that the Cobb County Sheriffs department closed for FORTY FIVE minutes (see note about 50 minutes to walk 3.2 miles). So you walk half of the race and then turn around and walk back for the other half. And the posting of the race said it was FLAT. They lied!!!! It was hilly and I'm not ready for hills. LOL

I'm almost at the one mile mark and woosh there goes the first guy to pass me COMING THE OTHER WAY. Which means he's almost to the finish line and I'm not even one mile in. Ok..I can do this. Just not as fast as that guy. Or the next one or the next 100 people. LOL...but I finished. In 54:36 and I wasn't LAST!!!! WOOHOO!!! So I at least attained my goals for my first race. BTW...last place was a woman who gave birth 4 1/2 weeks ago. But I wasn't last. :) And we raised enough money for 20 surgeries for The Smile Train.

Bad part is I'm probably going to do another one. What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?! But first I have to get my time down to below 45 minutes so they don't open the road back up on me and I get run over. :)

The Rest of the Weekend

Sunday rolls around and we decide to be slugs. I'm not sure we did anything that day. Until it was time to meet her parents and aunt and uncle for dinner at...drum roll please...The Dodging Duck. Where I know the beer is GOOD! Off we go, driving down I 10 and the mini tank starts acting a little funny. Because, as far as we know at this point, the rear passenger rim is bent all to hell and back. Which in my infinite wisdom decide to play stupid about and go "I don't know what happened to the tire". Swiss Miss isn't going along yet, but this is pre beer. I'll keep working on her.

Dinner was strained, I stepped in at LEAST two different piles of family shit b/c I didn't see it and the warning kick from chica was WAY late in comng. Oh well, I have beer and stuffed mushrooms, I'm happy. :) Time to leave, I'm driving and we decide to have a smoky treat before we leave. Standing around the passenger side of the mini tank and HOLY SHIT did she screw up that truck. Front rim has scrapes, entire passenger side doors have holes and scrapes and the rear tire rim looks WAY worse during the day. No way we can do the dumb blonde routine on this one. AND the stupid traction control lights are coming on as I drive home. This is going to require another insurance claim and a rental mini tank return. Woosh...there goes another $500.

Suffice it to say, we decide to stay home and drink from the kegerator (while its still in her possession) on Monday. No biggie. And the hits keep on coming on Monday. Wake up, drink coffee, go potty, and the water softener blows up. ITS LABOR DAY!!! That's going to cost big bucks!!! Meanwhile realtors are calling and want to show the house. Ok...come on in, ignore the plumbers that cost a ton and excuse the fact that we have pitchers of beer and haven't showered yet today. Stay up wind...it doesn't smell as bad that way. :)

Plumbers = $550
Lease water softenener = $300
Insurance Claim = $500

Total is now up to roughly $2300. I got off cheap with my ticket and my first class upgrade. So aside from the monetary outlays, it was a great weekend. Beer, conversations, movies, good food, a little housework, a little talking someone off the ledge a couple of times and one hell of hangover on Tuesday. Yep, all in all a good weekend for me. :)

Saturday of Labor Day weekend

I'm a slacker blogger. I was off to a great start and fell by the wayside after a couple of posts. Mea culpa, but then again that's my MO. :)


Labor Day Weekend was great fun...at least for me. For SAT chica, aka Swiss miss, it was one expensive and painful weekend. Quick update for those that don't know...Swiss miss is currently in the midst of a divorce with all the fun that entails, like unloading a house, a husband and excess baggage. Anywho...weekend update.

I arrive in SAT around 10:30 local time and for those of you who have never flown from DC to SAT that means I left DC at 6 FREAKING AM!!!! Again, not one of my brighter moments, but i was all about the cost benefit. Maximum time in San Antonio at minimum price. :)

Swiss Miss picks me up and she's driving a mini tank (aka Chrysler Aspen) cuz smart girl smashed up her Benz the previous weekend. We'll forgive her, because she's not used to having to look for other cars in the driveway anymore. :) Back to story...she's in pain! Back issues which is another story entirely, but moving on. She decides she needs drugs right freaking now! So where do we go, for an anti inflammatory and pain killers....Mom and Dad of course! Get drugs, go to the local Doc in the Box where we wait for two hours. She needs help standing up and I get a great sandwich recipe off the Food Network. Girlfriend comes out with three prescriptions and decides that she's fine and don't need no stinking cortisone shot. Whatever!!! I drag her ass back in tell the doc to shoot her up. I'm thinking we have lots of drinking and talking to do which means she needs to be semi functional. Total around $300 for doc and prescriptions. Keep a tab guys, this is just the beginning.

Off to the Dodging Duck for beer food and BEER!!! I've been waiting all day to partake in a tasty beverage. Conversation ensued, beer was drunk (to the tune of about 80 bucks) pretzel and hot wing bites were eaten. Oh yeah, the recruiter who enticed me to my current company was sitting at the table next to us and we finally figured out how we knew each other. WEIRD! I knew she moved to SAT, but that was just strange to see her there. Thank god I wasn't totally inebriated yet. :)

Moving on to Saturday night. Swiss Miss and I decide to get dressed up like the smoking hot 30 somethings we are (LMAO) and head over to this local cuban bar for drinks and live music. After ordering a round, she realizes she forgot her camera and heads back to the homestead to pick it up. Meanwhile I'm hovering around a couple of chairs, because this place is packed. I manage to snake two chairs and am protecting them with my life from the squatters all around until she makes her way back to the bar. Forever later, she shows back up and informs me that she took out the brick retaining wall in front of her house b/c she's driving the f'ing mini tank. That's at least $500 to fix the wall. (Total is now hovering around $900). Two or three rounds later we decide to head home before the bar closes and it becomes completely nuts trying to get out of the parking lot. Fall into bed and sleep like the dead until 7 AM. :)

I'll get to the rest of the expensive weekend tomorrow. I actually have to work now. Dammit!!!

Day 2 of the New Couch Potato to 5K running adventures:

4:30 AM - cuss the alarm clock hit the snooze

4:39 AM - hit snooze again

4:59 AM - crawl out of bed becuase I'm in PAIN!

5:20 AM - Arrive at the gym and weigh myself. Holy Shit! No more desert for me...there went that "I've been traveling for three months and haven't gained any weight" bragging I've been doing.

5:25 AM - Begin the second day of 90 second / 60 second torture.



I have no idea how well I did this morning. First off I'm in pain. The entire lower left side of my body hates me right now. Second, the f'ing treadmill kept changining the way it was counting time. First it was backwards from 30 minutes then it was forward and then it was backwards and by that point I can't breathe, my face looks like a tomato, I've had NO coffee and I said Screw it. Hit stop and started over at minute 12 something.



I attempted to do another 18 minutes to hit thirty and decided that I didn't need to be that stupid or gung ho this early in the program. Cut back to another 12 of which I think I walked the last 7. So I'm still doing this, but I'm going to be much slower than the program says to go, but hey I need to function during the day. :)



6:08 AM - Back in the car and heading for the hotel to shower.



I really need to get something to put on my seats. I don't think leather and sweat going very well together. Do you?

What the hell was I thinking?!?!?!?

I'm going to Atlanta next month to visit a girlfriend I haven't seen in a while. We are both somewhat broke and need to find something to do that's fun and cheap. It's Atlanta, this should be a fairly easy thing to accomplish. ATL girlfriend decides that the "fun, cheap" attraction is to run a 5K. Keeping in mind I've NEVER run anything in my life. In a moment of complete insanity, I agree...with the provision that's there's mimosas after the run. :)

So because my ATL girlfriend convinced me to sign up for that 5K in September when I go see her AND I've been working out for a year AND I no longer smoke, I've decided to give running a try. So...I go online and look for a good beginner's program to start running/learn to run. I find a pretty good one called Couch potato to 5K in 8 weeks. I think "Perfect! No problem, I can do this". WRONG!!!!

OH MY GOD, was I wrong. So days 1, 2 and 3 are

Brisk five-minute warmup walk. I do this at 3.7 mph on the treadmill with ease. NO problem!

Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. Ok...this first two or three iterations weren't so bad. By the sixth one, I was hitting my pass out zone on the heartrate monitor within 35 seconds of jogging. Which for the record was ONLY 4.5 MPH!!!!

In addition, because I'm in a complete fog at 5 AM, I forgot that the first workout was only 20 min and set the treadmill for 30 thereby completing a 5 min warm up and 25 min of walk/jog. Yeah, right! I got 5 min of warm up, 17 min of walk/jog and the last 8 were strictly walking.

I suck. And I thought this was going to be breeze becasue I can do 45 min of strenuous cardo on the elliptical trainer no problem. Oh boy, was I ever wrong! The true test is if I go back tomorrow morning for more torture. Updates to follow! LOL

I love my cat...

Ok...So on Friday morning I felt something on Tabitha's (aka Baby Girl) back that felt like a lump. So I panic, call the vet and get an appointment for Friday evening. While we are there, we get her blood work done (she's old!) and one of her every three years shots. They stuck her three times to draw blood and I could hear her screaming in the other room. Loud screaming...the kind that all cat owners (aka as cat servants) know. The one that says your killing me and as soon as I get off this table you're dead meat!

Soooo...two hundred dollars and one very pissed off cat later here's the results:
Lump = muscle. Obviously Baby Girl has been working out (like her servant) and has an overdeveloped muscle over her shoulder blades (unlike her servant)
Blood work = perfect. Except for the three new holes in Baby Girl
Shot = she hid in the closet all day Saturday and didn't come out until Sun afternoon.

I love my cat, but damn! There goes those purple suede boots I was going to buy. :)