This is your brain on drugs

Some of you have actually had the pleasure of meeting my father. He's a big teddy bear whose bark is MUCH worse than his bite. Except for that occasional shot gun farting thing he does...which is absolutely deadly. He's usually laughing his ass off as he does it too...but I digress.

Daddy had his right knee replaced a couple of weeks ago...and let the hilarity ensue. First off my father has legs like tree trunks with ZERO fat on them (yea, I hate him), he's needed a knee replacement for YEARS!!!! and he's a big guy. As in a 20 inch neck big guy. The doc doing his surgery took twice as long to do the surgery because (drumroll please) he has lots of muscle, the knee was in much worse shape than originally thought and dad's ligaments wouldn't reattach correctly because he's such a big guy. DUH!!!! Did you actually LOOK at my father before you cut his knee open?!?!?!?

So my mother proceeds to do her clucking thing she does so well while Dad's in surgery and finally recovers once he comes home. She decided to take off the first two weeks because Dad can't be on his own or drive or do any of that stuff that requires full mobility and use of the right knee. Now my parents have been married for almost 37 years, most of them pretty happily.

I think this surgery almost broke them. I was talking to my mom over the weekend finalizing the Christmas presents I was buying b/c she hasn't yet (we won't even discuss the damage I did to my Hilton CC, but at least I got hotel points for them) and she starts talking about Dad being stupid. He regressed into a four year old. Evidence:

1. He wants a puppy for Christmas and told my mom he could get one if he wanted to when she pointed out that puppies are a lot of work and we currently have two cats
   
2. He said he was going to drive to the grocery store and when my mom said he wasn't allowed to yet, he said he could if he wanted to and that his dad drove one week after knee replacement surgery Mom: Just because your father was an idiot doesn't mean you need to be one too
   
3. I talked to him while I was at Target on Sat and he said something about going to Lowe's. When I asked him if he was driving, he said he wasn't, but he could if he wanted to.
   

WTF?!?! When did my father go from being 58 to 4?!?!? If I get a picture of him sitting on Santa's knee I'm running away from home.